Just trying to find my place in this world.
I don’t know why I miss you so much. I mean, I do. We have so many amazing memories together. So many talks about life. So many cherished moments I can’t trade for anything. It’s so hard. Ya know? Pretending. Pretending that you don’t exist or that you’re not ten minutes away. It’s so hard acting like I don’t know you, when I know you better then most people. Right now, I am sad. Sad and missing you more then the usual.
But once I start to think about things again, I get mad. Mad at what you did and how you let seven years just go like that. Was I that easy to get rid of? Now I’m mad again.
I want to reach out to you. To meet one on one with you. Scream. Cry. Get it all out. Because I need that for me. We might walk away with nothing fixed, but at least I got it off my chest. It can’t be healthy to have all these emotions built up for one person.
“Crushes are fun. Or at least they’re supposed to be fun as long as you keep them that way. As long as you don’t get emotionally invested or fixated or keep imagining your reality to be what it is not – crushes are fun. But if you expect too much or feel too easily, you might end up with self-inflicted heart ache which just leaves you feeling empty-handed or just plain empty. And all of this for someone who never even promised you anything from the start.”
“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”
Kurt Vonnegut (via endangerment)
I hate that I can’t talk to the one person I would tell everything to because I’m afraid to hurt their feelings. It sucks when the one person you want/need to understand you, doesn’t. I made a mistake by showing up the other night and now I’m the one paying for it…. Again.